Johnny and Joe
by Marjorie Nescio
Summary: Joe is acting... differently, or so Charlotte says. He is acting like a bastard, or so the guards complain. When his bad attitude affects the Queen, Joe is in trouble.
1. The attitude of Joe Romero

Author's note: This story takes place before PD1. The widowed Queen is in control in this story, for that is what queens _should_ be. Joe gets himself in trouble. Oh, those proud passionate Spanish...

Let me not forget Johnny: he's a character from a film the Queen saw. Joe knows it too. Do you? It's _Kill Bill_.

Johnny and Joe

Chapter 1 – The attitude of Joe Romero

In the kitchen of the Castle some Royal Guards were having tea. Mrs Danieli, the cook, was of course also present, as was Miss Charlotte, Her Majesty's secretary.

The object of their discussion was the Head of Security.

´He's just barking orders,´ Monet said.

´Well,´ Teballi replied, ´he _is_ the boss.´

´I know, but he never acted like a bastard before.´

Teballi didn't argue, for he had been treated like shit the day before. And the Queen _had_ told him that she wanted to be alone when visiting her parents' grave, didn't she? What was he to do? Ignore _her_ order? Hell no!

But when the Head of Security, accompanied by the Queen's secretary, had arrived, finding him lingering on the quiet graveyard, Romero nearly exploded with anger. Even Teballi's assurance that he had not kept Her Majesty out of his sight, could not stop his boss from scolding him. Charlotte had stepped back, clearly embarrassed. It was only with the approaching sound of high heels that Romero had regained his composure.

Teballi glanced at Charlotte, who looked away, as if to discourage him from telling yesterday's story. She seemed relieved when her pager went off. Teballi waited until the door closed behind her and in a low voice said: ´He's even rude to _her_!´

A stunned silence and then everyone exclaimed: ´What?´

´No no no,´ Teballi hastily explained, ´not to _Her_, to Miss Charlotte.´

Mrs Danieli wiped her brow.

´_She_ would tear his head off,´ Monet grinned and that caused some nervous laughter.

OoOoOoO

Charlotte worried about Joe. For the first time _ever_ he treated her unkindly: not talking to her at all and even passing her without so much as a greeting. It was a small comfort to know that she wasn't the only one on his brand new black list.

On the fourth day after Joe's angry mood started, Charlotte collected documents from Her Majesty's desk, when the Queen said: ´The Head of the Military House and I had a meeting this morning as you know. The Count was somewhat upset. Would you say that Joseph is treating _all_ the staff differently than before, Charlotte?´

´He is acting... differently, yes ma'am.´

She wondered if she should continue, but the Queen looked concerned and that settled it.

´I'm afraid it is because of something I said a few days ago.´

The Queen raised an eyebrow.

´I don't recall what it could have been. I never meant any harm, but whatever I said, it had a negative impact on him.´

´Charlotte, I can not imagine that you could even _accidentally_ say something that would hurt Joseph.´

Charlotte smiled shyly. Her Queen's words pleased her, but she still felt that Joe had started to act as a man with a toothache who's dentist went skiing from the moment they had talked about... What was it about? Why couldn't she remember it? It wasn't about work was it? Was it about Her Majesty?

OoOoOoO

Two days later on something happened that was too extraordinary _not_ be told by those who had witnessed it. And soon, a mechanic who heard it from a maid who heard it from a guard, told the huntsman as if he had been there himself.

The first part of the story was told by Monet and Iglesias.

At 12:10 pm they entered the kitchen. They got themselves bread and soup and sat down with the regular gang at one of the sixteen-seat tables.

´All quiet at headquarters?´ Valais asked. Headquarters was guard slang for the royal shift. The usual reply was 'not a mouse stirring'.

Iglesias looked at Monet.

Monet looked at Iglesias.

´What?´ Valais said, alarmed.

´Well...´ Monet started.

´Well?´ Mrs Danieli encouraged. ´Tell me!´

´This morning, Iglesias and I had first royal shift.´

The cook nodded, she understood that much.

´Well, at noon, we were not relieved by Dilson and Burgos, as we should have been, but by LeBlanc and Capras. They were wearing riding gear.´

He was interrupted by women making noises at the thought of the handsome Capras dressed in a riding costume. Mrs Danieli hushed them but her eyes sparkled all the same.

´Earlier,´ Iglesias informed them, ´the minister of Culture had to cancel his appointment with Her Majesty because he was ill, so Miss Charlotte told the Queen. And no, we didn't eavesdrop, she left the door open. The Queen said that it would give her time to re-read some reports, but Miss Charlotte suggested that she might go riding, since the weather was lovely. At ten to twelve, we escorted the Queen to her suite.´

Monet took over.

´Capras and LeBlanc had just arrived when the Queen came out, dressed as a horsewoman. She said that she had forty-five minutes and didn't want to waste a single one. The four of us followed her. We were halfway down the stairs when the boss called after us so Iglesias and I waited for him. I would have explained that we were gonna have lunch cause our shift was over, but he ignored us and took two steps at a time to intercept the Queen.´

Everyone at his table and several others who had gathered around it looked at Monet with eager anticipation.

´You know what he said to H.M.? He said: _Where_ are you going ma'am?´

Everyone held their breath.

´The Queen: Oh, were you addressing _me_ Joseph?´

´Ha!´ Mrs Danieli triumphed.

´He said: I was not informed about this Your Majesty. Are you going outside? And she said: No Joseph, I thought of having the horses brought in here.´

The audience – over forty now - snorted.

´The boss told the Queen that Capras and LeBlanc had not yet finished the level IV training,´ Iglesias said. ´That's a special outdoor training,´ he explained for the benefit of the many non-guards.

´Yeah,´ Monet continued, ´Now, I thought the Queen was gonna answer him, but she checked her watch, shook her head, and continued to walk to the door.´

Monet ended his line as if the story had ended for he suddenly realised that Romero might walk in any moment. But then again, his colleagues were _dying_ with curiosity and he could not resist an audience. He looked at Iglesias, who enjoyed the story just as much as the others. Monet waited for the Master of Wine to finish a summary for the arrivals before he continued. It wouldn't take him long and besides: the boss was very likely still outside.

´You know what he said?´ Monet cleared his throat. ´He said: you will wait here for me to join you. Ma'am.´

A groan was heard in the kitchen.

´The Queen raised an eyebrow and said: I will not leave the first section Joseph and I am off _now_, with two men, trained by you, to protect me.´

People smiled and nodded.

´And then what happened?´ the cook asked.

Monet looked sheepish.

´They went outside. The door closed behind them.´

A choir responded: ´You don't even know how it _ends_?´

´What were we supposed to do? Spy on them?´

People returned to their seats, or went to the hitherto ignored buffet, and all talked about what had happened.

They agreed that Romero had acted foolish, but that Capras and LeBlanc would have nothing to report.

The Head of Security might behave like a general in battle towards his men, he might ignore Miss Charlotte, he might insult Count Rossano and a dozen others, he would not extend his foul mood to Her Majesty. Well, no more than he'd already done, the idiot.

Dilson, who showed up in the kitchen shortly after Monet had finished talking, informed them that the regular shift would resume after the ride. The servants wouldn't have to wait long for the – probably boring and nonetheless much awaited - end of the story.

But when a distressed gardener sits down for a cup of strong coffee, and can only say: ´How could 'm do that? To Her Majesty?´ half an hour lasts forever.


	2. Lemon pie revelations

Chapter 2 – Lemon pie revelations

Not even the cook's interrogation skills could make old gardener Gilles reveal more. His repeated line ʺHow could 'mʺ annoyed her _that_ much that she threw the contents of the coffee-pot through the sink and declared that his break was over.

While preparing lunch for Her Majesty, she told Isabel, the prettiest of her maids, to go to the stables to wait for Capras and LeBlanc to tell them that she, Mrs Danieli, had made her famous lemon pie and that she invited them to come over and have a piece of it.

Capras was a bit afraid of Mrs Danieli, but he loved lemon pie. LeBlanc didn't want to disappoint Isabel and after the two men had a shower, they went to the kitchen.

It was more crowded than usual for the time of day.

LeBlanc instantly realised what was going on. Capras didn't have a clue, distracted as he was by the fact that he was seated next to the cook, who offered him a piece of pie saying: ´Sweets to the sweet!´

There was an awkward silence, while everyone watched Capras and LeBlanc eat. Those who were having lunch, hardly looked at their own plates any more.

´It's excellent,´ LeBlanc complimented Mrs Danieli.

´Yes, well, the Chairman of Parliament really likes it and Her Majesty, who's having lunch with him in a few minutes, asked me to make it.´

Silence.

´The Queen herself prefers quiches, something with a bite, how was the ride?´

Capras finally sensed the tension in the room. LeBlanc finished his pie and answered the question.

´Fine.´

´Did nothing unusual happen LeBlanc?´

The guard shrugged in reply. Capras stared at his plate and devoted his attention to some crumbs.

´The head gardener was upset about what happened,´ Mrs Danieli said, pretending to feel sorry for the old man.

Isabel noticed that Capras swallowed hard.

´O dear! What is it?´ she asked him.

LeBlanc, deciding that the story would be known soon enough and wanting Isabel's attention for himself, sighed deeply, redirecting focus to himself.

He began the second part of the story by predicting Romero's future.

´Romero will get the sack, or I'm a Dutchman.´

It took a while before all was quiet again.

´Well,´ LeBlanc then started, ´the boss didn't like it that H.M. went riding with the two of us, since we haven't finished our training yet. But the Queen must have thought she was quite safe with us...´

LeBlanc cleared his throat. Capras attended his crumbs.

´He followed us outside - ´

´You forget about the ʺYou will wait here for me to join you remarkʺ,´ Mr Jonas offered.

He had not been present when Monet and Iglesias had told about what they had witnessed, but he might as well have been.

´You're a bunch of gossips aren't you? True, he said that, but she gave him _The Look_ and a cold reply. If I'd been him, I would have kept quiet.´

´But he's _not_ you. What happened?´

´The Queen walked down the stairs and the sight of the horses made her smile return. She told the stable boys they could go and gave the horses an apple each. Romero still tried to talk her out of it. He kept saying that it would be dangerous being accompanied by guards who hadn't finished their training. But really, we may not have level IV yet, but you don't need that when you go riding at the estate. Anyway, he couldn't convince the Queen and then he ordered me to hand him my cap so _he_ could take _my_ place.´

Capras nodded.

´The Queen put the knife she'd used to cut the apples in the shaft on her upper leg,´ LeBlanc said, ´and she said: would you _stop_ it, and she told us to mount, which I did. She took the reins of her stallion and guess what _he_ did?´

No one felt like guessing. They wanted to _know._

´He grabbed the horse's halter and _snarled_ that he _forbade_ her to go.´

In the kitchen of the Castle the kind of sounds were made that would have served nicely had the assembly witnessed Romero pulling a lion's tail.

´She said: enough! And she started to mount...´

LeBlanc looked around. If a fire would break out, his colleagues would wait for him to finish the story before they would run, sure as hell.

´She started to mount and he _grabbed_ her hips... and forcefully pulled her down!´

´No!´ they cried as one.

To her disgust, Mrs Danieli heard herself add: ´How could 'm do that?´

´She almost had a fall - ´

´No!´

The cook covered her mouth with her hand.

´- and when she was standing on her feet again, Romero held her left arm with both his hands, and barked that he could _not_ allow her to go.´

The courtiers and servants were appalled and speechless.

When the event had taken place, both Capras and LeBlanc had felt terrible. Romero's training had not included a session called 'what to do when the Head of Security restrains the Queen', and apart from dismounting his horse, all LeBlanc had done was copy Capras's action: watch with open mouth. However, the danger gone, LeBlanc remembered there had also been something enjoyable to the whole situation.

´The Queen rested her right hand on her riding crop.´

The women grinned.

´Gotta admit: it looked great. Her dressed like that, in black leather boots and tight fitting-´

´LeBlanc _please_,´ Mr Tally said, repressing the need to loosen his collar.

Capras, keen on the change of subject (for he feared that someone might ask him why the hell he had not _acted_ when his boss had attacked Her Majesty) cried out: ´Come on, she rested her hand on her hip, not on -´

´Shut up,´ LeBlanc stopped him, ´So, they were standing there, her eyes shooting _daggers_ and she said...´

Everyone bent a little towards him, wanting to hear his words as soon as possible. He spoke slowly, like the Queen had done, and although he failed in his attempt to copy her diction, he copied the rage in her voice to perfection: ´Release me Sir.´

Mouths fell open. LeBlanc nodded approvingly, glad that his colleagues understood the meaning of the Queen's command.

´He let go of her as if he had _burned_ himself,´ Capras added with good sense of drama. LeBlanc undertook to conclude the story.

´She mounted and said: My office. Two thirty. Sharp.´

Someone whistled.

Then nearly everyone started to talk.

´If he has any sense and honour left,´ Mr Tally commented, ´he will resign.´

Mr Jonas asked LeBlanc how the Queen had acted during the ride, and the guard admitted that at first Her Majesty seemed tense, but that after a few minutes she was fine again. Capras objected, saying the Queen wore her horse out.

A butler and a dress maid wondered if Romero might be ill and they tried to come up with an appropriate disease.

The security men discussed whom of the senior guards was most likely to replace Romero.

The housekeeper and some maids dared wonder if there really would be a vacancy for it was known that the Queen and the Head of Security were friends. Viscountess Margoli heard them, slapped the table and told them not to be silly. She then re-entered her conversation with Mr Jonas and Lord Radras about the torture techniques that had been used on a 17th century farmer who had punched a prince.

Mrs Danieli also thought of future prospects: _how_ was she going to find out what was said in the Queen's office at two thirty?


	3. No sugar, no honey

Chapter 3 – No sugar, no honey

At 2.40 pm the Chairman of Parliament finally left the Queen's office. Stepping into the Green Corridor he found the Head of Security waiting, as well as Colonel Frerer of Her Majesty's Military House. The latter would escort him to the House of Parliament. He greeted them.

Dilson and Burgos, standing guard, did a good job fading away against the background.

As the Chairman followed the Colonel through the corridor, Joe heard him say: ´The Head of Security seems a little tense. I hope all is well? There's no threat against Her Majesty is there?´

´I can assure you that our Queen is perfectly safe sir.´

Their voices and footsteps faded away.

Joe inhaled and knocked.

´Yes,´ came the immediate answer.

He entered and found the Queen standing in front of a French window, looking regal.

´Majesty,´ he said in a strained voice.

´Explain.´

She turned around to face him. The skirt of her dress gracefully followed her.

He had not expected her to give him the opportunity to explain himself. What could he say?

´Majesty,´ he repeated. ´I profoundly regret what I did. I, I should not have...not have...´

Despite the fact that he felt horrible, her unreadable expression angered him. _She_ was the one who had _started_ this.

He handed her a letter and stepped back. There was a knock on the door.

´Not now!´ Her Majesty called out.

For the sake of not having to look at his Queen Joe opened the door to face a nervous maid holding a tray with tea-things. He took it from her and closed the door with his left foot.

´Contradicting my wishes seems to suit you today,´ the Queen remarked.

Not knowing what to do or say, he just stood and watched her skim through his letter. She shook her head, not satisfied with what he had written.

´I was angry with you. I still _am_.´

She looked at him. He just stood.

´_Angry_ of course being an _understatement_,´ she informed him.

He just stood.

´This letter,´ she hit it with the fingers of her left hand, palm upwards, ´does not explain a thing.´

´I resign.´

´I can _read_,´ she said in an annoyed tone, ´and put down that tray.´

She gestured to a coffee-table in front of a sofa. He obeyed.

´Now enlighten me - ,´ she started. She was interrupted by a knock on the door from someone who didn't wait for an answer and walked straight in.

´I am _so_ sorry Your Majesty,´ Mrs Danieli started, ´but I forgot -´

´The honey,´ the Queen added, making clear that she knew Mrs Danieli had cooked up an excuse.

Mrs Danieli wished she had controlled her curiosity. More than anything she wanted Her Majesty to be pleased with her. She blushed but noticed all the same that the Head of Security was alive and standing straight as a sentry. She also saw that the Queen held a letter in her hand. Time to go. She made it for the door, after apologising again.

´_Do_ leave the sweets...´

The cook realised she still held a tray with a small honey pot. She placed it with the tea-things, hands trembling.

´Tell the guards that I wish _not_ to be interrupted again,´ the Queen responded.

The cook left. The Queen shook her head.

´Word has spread through the Castle. _Wonderful_.´

Joe swallowed.

´You were not at a loss for words earlier this afternoon.´

Joe cleared his throat.

´I should have offered you that letter days ago. It would have prevented me from hur- hurting you. For which...´

He looked at her, forcing himself not to avoid her cool eyes.

´...I am truly, truly...sorry...´

´I am touched. Again!´

The Queen sat down on the sofa and poured herself tea. The sight of the honey making its way through the liquid didn't please her now.

´Tell me why you forgot yourself.´

´I wanted to prove that I'm a good bodyguard,´ Joe exclaimed desperately, ´if a situation is potentially dangerous, I can't allow you to participate in it.´

´Dragging me off my horse _was_ behaving like a good bodyguard?´

´Well ma'am, you concluded that I'm not a good bodyguard a while ago. My behaviour will simply have confirmed your opinion of me.´

´What?´

She put her tea-cup on the table.

´You may not have said as much, but you've made it clear that you think I'm a lousy -´

´_What?_´ she snapped, rising.

´Tell me the truth,´ he said in an angry low voice, ´why can't you just admit it?´

´What are you _talking_ about?´ she demanded, walking towards him.

´I don't believe this!´

He turned away from her, finding the look of faked incomprehension on her face unbearable. His heartbeat got up in an unhealthy way.

´_You_ don't believe this? Are you insane? When you walked in, you started to apologise, and with reason _Sir_! What is this evasive talk about -´

´Someone said something to me a few days ago!´ he interrupted her.

´_Charlotte_,´ Her Majesty realised.

His back seemed to frown at her. She played with a ring on her right hand, turning it around.

´Are you going to _tell_ me what she said?´

´You _know_ what she said,´ he answered with clenched jaws.

´No I do _not_. Charlotte doesn't remember what she told you. Would that not mean it was _not important_?´

He turned around and stepped towards her.

´To _her_? No, why would it be? To _me_? It means the world!´ he said with passion.

He gazed upon her, silently challenging her to admit that she knew what he was talking about.

´You have restrained me in front of my men. The whole Castle knows about it. For the last time: explain!´

He felt like a criminal but not one who was willing to confess.

´I TOLD YOU why I acted the way I did,´ he cried out, ´if you choose not to under-´

Her hands had been folded in front of her, but her right hand now met his cheek.

SMASH

He looked at her wide-eyed. Her angry expression made him speak out.

´Charlotte said that Johnny Mo reminded you of me.´

She frowned.

´You watched ˝Kill Bill˝, and Charlotte came in and -´

The Queen stared at him in disbelief, unable to concentrate on what he said. He had offended his colleagues, disobeyed her, yelled at her, dragged her of her horse and hurt her arm because he didn't like to be compared to a character from a film?

She wondered what he would have done had Charlotte not mixed up names.

´-ny Mo failed to protect his Qu- Mistress. Lady. Employer,´ she heard Joseph say in a faltering voice.

A cold feeling had settled inside Joe when Charlotte had absent mindedly said that the Queen had been reminded of him when seeing the head of O-Ren Ishii's private army. Her Majesty had seen a bodyguard who couldn't prevent his employer from being killed and she had thought of _him_. It had made him nauseous.

But at least _Johnny Mo_ had defended his lady whereas _Joe Romero_ had humiliated and hurt his Queen.

He hated himself. This was his last day with her.

He didn't have the courage to look at her, not while she remained silent and didn't contradict him. He noticed something warm running down his face.

´You have acted like an idiot.´

He cleared his throat.

´I know that Your Majesty.´

´Your behaviour,´ she continued, ´was unacceptable. But you have worked for me for years and you have always been a trusted and competent Head of Security. I had to give you a chance to explain yourself.´

Joe heard her speak but as if she was far away already. This was torture. He wished she had given him the sack the moment he had walked into her office.

´Despite the claims you've made, your behaviour wasn't about protection at all.´

He swallowed.

´You felt you had to prove something. And you hurt me doing so. The explanation you offered me is as worthless as the excuse the spying cook made up.´

His only reply was a small defeated nod.

´If I had found time to talk to you earlier, when I first heard of your _mood change_, would it have come to this?´

Her question surprised him.

´_I_ alone am to blame, it was all _my_ doing -,´

´I am inclined to agree. It is not _your_ arm that is bruised, is it?´ she replied.

He hoped he wouldn't be sick in front of her.

´Ma'am...´

´Yes?´

´I...´

She sighed. ´Asking me _why_ I thought Johnny Mo reminded me of you, which he _doesn't_, was out of the question? Because we _never_ talk _at all_, do we?´

She expected him to respond to the negation, but the cat had eaten his tongue: he suddenly realised that he had not only betrayed his Queen, but their friendship too.

´Make up with Charlotte. She will be in the kitchen now.´

He nodded. He had already packed his bags but he would talk to Her Majesty's secretary before he left.

There was not much more to say. All Joe could do -after clearing his throat- was state the obvious.

´I assume that you accept my resignation Your Majesty?´

´My Head of the Military House will surely appreciate an apology from my Head of Security.´

She waited for her words to sink in.

´You're not... firing me?´

´Not today. Leave,´ she commanded, privately adding _now that your cheek is still red._

She stepped back. He looked bewildered, bowed and left.

...

...

Author's note: I know that ˝Kill Bill˝ was made _after_ Princess Diaries. But for this fanfic it suited me to picture Tarantino's film made _before_ the Queen and Joe start a relationship (I think that after PD1 they certainly had one).


	4. Entrails and bruises

Chapter 4 – Entrails and bruises

It was silent in the crowded kitchen.

A driver tried to make the grave atmosphere vanish by describing a dress she'd seen in a posh shop in Pyrus. It didn't work. Her next subject, the metropolitan football team, wasn't too popular either.

Charlotte had been informed by Viscountess Margoli about what happened and when Mrs Danieli had left Her Majesty's office she had accompanied the cook to the kitchen. It was her tea-time anyway, wasn't it? Mrs Danieli had not said a word to her about what was going on in the Queen's office and Charlotte found that even more unsettling than the gleam she'd seen in the Viscountess's eye.

After a while someone said: ´It's been over twenty minutes now.´

Charlotte couldn't stop herself from saying: ´Ten. The meeting with the Chairman of Parliament ran out.´

She added sugar to her tea, forgot that she had done it and added another lump.

Isabel, who was cleaning vegetables at the kitchen sink with two other maids, muttered that the place reminded her of a dentist's waiting room.

The door was opened.

´Here comes the next patient,´ Isabel mumbled.

´Joe!´ Charlotte cried out. ´What happened to your...´

Every eye was on the man in black. And red.

´Charlotte. Could I have a word with you please?´

The secretary followed him to the corridor.

In the kitchen silence was not an option any more.

´Merde! Did you see his face?´

´Do you think _she_ did that?´

Mrs Danieli clapped her hands: ´O yes! She showed him not to mess with her!´

´Good Lord, she hit him!´

´Shit, would you believe she could hit _that_ hard?´

´Do you really think _she_ did that?´

´I don't believe it!´

´Santa Maria!´

´The Queen rules yeah!´

´I really don't believe it!´

´She actually hit him! Holy shit!´

´Rocking fuckaludala!´

The door opened and Charlotte re-entered. She seemed relieved.

´Well?´

´I haven't finished my tea yet,´ Charlotte answered innocently.

The cook looked at the ceiling. For all her university training, Miss Charlotte could be really stupid sometimes.

´No no, what about _him_! Did she _fire_ him?´

´I don't know. He was going to see Count Rossano.´

Mrs Danieli placed her index finger to the side of her nose.

´Making up before leaving!´ she sang.

It seemed logical to Charlotte. But the holiday spirit that possessed her colleagues didn't affect her.

OoOoOoO

After talking to the Head of the Military House, Joe locked himself in his office and sat behind his desk doing nothing for a long time. Two lines were going through his mind: _her arm is bruised_ and _she didn't fire me_. The former came out as a scream and the latter as a mere whisper, but the screaming voice sounded hoarse after a while and the whisper became more powerful. _Since I am not fired_, Joe reasoned, _I must act the Head of Security_.

He checked his watch. It took him a moment to remember his schedule, but when he did, he removed the draft versions of his resignation from the floor and left his office.

OoOoOoO

The guards in the meeting room saw Romero walk in as if he was still in command.

They would not have liked finding him in the court-yard holding his entrails in his arms, something one of the noble courtiers had suggested to be a proper 'that will teach him'. But after what happened today, it was unsettling that this daily meeting even took place. At least the rumour about the Queen having hit him _might_ be true for he _did_ have a cut on his face.

Romero questioned his men, all of whom had finished a shift. Unlike he usually did, he paced the room. When he showed people his back, a lot of non-verbal communication was going on behind it.

It did not go unnoticed that the Head of Security didn't question Capras and LeBlanc. Just when the men expected to be dismissed, Romero spoke again.

´Something happened today that made me realise there is a gap in your training.´

He stood at his desk, facing the guards.

´Monet, if a man with a gun comes near Her Majesty, what do you do?´

Monet answered him.

´What if the Head of Security hurts her?´

Silence.

´Capras, LeBlanc?´

Neither guard knew what to say.

´I've learned more than one lesson today,´ the Head of Security told his men.

´Anyone who attacks Her Majesty should be eliminated. Anyone.´

He gave each guard a piercing glance.

´Capras, if I had told you this yesterday, what would you have done this afternoon?´

Capras swallowed and cleared his throat.

´I should have warned you and if it wouldn't have helped, I should have held you, releasing the Queen from your grip sir.´

´Forget the warning. Do you agree LeBlanc?´

´Yes sir.´

´Good. Attackers need not be strangers. They may be relatives of yours. Colleagues. You are all here to protect the Crown. If you have to knock down your brother, your best friend or your boss because he threatens to harm Her Majesty, you will do that.´

´AY SIR!´

OoOoOoO

After a week and a half the bruises on the Queen's arm had faded away.

A few days later on the Head of Security escorted his Queen to her suite, after having guarded her at the opening night of "Richard III" by the Pyran Playhouse.

Her black evening gown revealed a lot of the smooth ivory skin of her back.

He had told himself several times that he shouldn't look at her bare back until walking her to her apartment.

As if she knew, she gestured him to walk by her side, asking him how he had liked the play. It was the first time since The Incident that she talked to him about a non-work related subject.

They discussed the staging, the actors and the cuts the director had made, although _she_ did most of the talking.

Just before she entered her room, she looked over her shoulder, catching him gazing at her.

´Did you really believe that when I saw a bodyguard who managed to get his leg cut off, I would think of _you_?´ she asked.

He didn't know what to say.

´Goodnight,´ she greeted him, but it wasn't until after the door fell close behind her, that he whispered: ´Goodnight Your Majesty.´

He walked the corridor and when he passed the guard on duty the soft look in his eyes was replaced by his usual grim expression.


	5. Walking Maurice

Author's note: Joe will finally learn which character from 'Kill Bill' reminded the Queen of him. With that 'Johnny and Joe' reaches its conclusion.

Chapter 5 – Walking Maurice

The next day Joe was guarding the Queen on the grounds.

Her Majesty decided to follow her dog over the lawn. It had been raining that morning and Joe was quickly on his Queen's side when she had difficulty removing a high heel from the still wet soil, offering her his arm so she wouldn't loose her balance.

From then on, he walked on her right side, hands behind his back.

She tried to make him talk, but he didn't say much more than: ´Yes ma'am´ or: ´Indeed Your Majesty´.

Maurice offered his Mistress a mud covered branch to play with.

´Really Maurice,´ she told him, ´you don't expect me to hold that now do you?´

The dog seemed to understand what she said, for he let go of the branch and disappeared.

´You are rather quiet Joseph.´

Joe's breath failed him: she had used his first name.

´It will not happen again. I told my men that no matter who attacks you, he should be eliminated.´

She cast him a glance and when she saw that he had difficulty controlling his emotions, she simply continued walking, looking ahead.

´I _know_ it will not happen again.´

After a short silence, she continued: ´Perhaps you should make sure the guards know that eliminating someone need not require fatal injuries?´

He heard a smile in her voice.

Maurice joined them, dropping a scoop at his Mistress's feet and wagging his tail.

´Yes, that is good clean wood. Not quite an item to throw away wouldn't you agree?´

Maurice bowed his head.

´It's a nice try though.´

The dog looked up and barked.

´And you will return it from where you took it.´

The dog let out a whimper, but he thought the better of it when his Mistress raised an eyebrow. He took the scoop in its mouth and walked in the direction where he had come from.

´Do you know that when I got him, I felt like naming him Arthur?´

´After Arthur from the Round Table?´

´You are not in your usual form are you Joseph?´

He stared at her.

´His breeder told me that he was a loyal and obedient animal.´

It took him four metres.

´The Viscount.´

She smiled brilliantly. He had missed her smile.

´The dog would be everything the man is not, I mused, but it would not do, would it?´

She turned around to see where her pet was. Maurice chased a butterfly and managed to look clumsy. The Queen threw her head backwards and laughed.

He had missed her laughter.

They continued to walk. Joe got a message via his ear-piece.

´I'm sorry Your Majesty, but Charlotte informs me that the President of Italy requires to talk to you. He will call you in five minutes.´

´We'd better return then. Maurice!´

The dog followed them.

Joe had hoped the walk would last longer, for despite himself, he had to know something and he needed time to summon up his courage.

When they climbed the garden-stairs he said: ´Who was it that reminded you of me?´

She looked at him.

´Esteban?´ he asked.

´Esteban?´

´Yes,´ he answered stiffly, ´Bill's father figure.´

Not looking at her, he missed the thoughtful expression on her face.

´You remembered that friends talk. Good. I need not remind you of it.´

She briefly touched his arm. He had missed her touch.

He held the door for her so she could enter her office.

´Would I compare you to a _pimp_ because he has a Spanish background and a little beard?´ she said, caressing Maurice.

Her private line rang.

´Mr Fallaci is an impatient gentleman.´

The Queen checked the display of her phone and looked apologetically at her Head of Security.

He left her office, feeling better than he had in weeks.

It wasn't until hours later, when he rested his head on his pillow, that the thought nagged at him again. Which character had reminded her of him?

OoOoOoO

In the kitchen of the Castle some Royal Guards were having tea. Mrs Danieli was of course also present, as was Miss Charlotte.

The object of the discussion was the Head of Security.

´He was _grinning_,´ Monet said.

´Well,´ Teballi replied, ´he'll have a reason for it.´

´I know, but it freaks me out.´

When LeBlanc entered the kitchen, he was questioned.

´Hey Dutch, do you know why the boss was grinning?´

´As it happens, I do.´

´Well?´ the cook asked.

´Must have been something H.M. said to him.´

´Tell me! What did she say?´

´I don't know.´

Mrs Danieli groaned. LeBlanc shrugged and offered what little information he had.

´I was making my round in the gardens, they were standing together, talking, and then she walked away. He grew a grin and followed her. I was walking towards them and heard her say: Joseph? And he said: Majesty? And she said, not even looking _behind her_ mind you, she said: get that _smile_ of your face.´

´Ah!´ Mrs Danieli exclaimed.

Charlotte was happy that Joe was in the Queen's good graces again.

´Did he obey?´ the cook wanted to know.

´Huh?´

´Did he stop smiling?´

´Nope.´

LeBlanc didn't think it necessary to remark that there had been a twinkle in Her Majesty's eyes as she swayed away.

The cook urged LeBlanc to remember who else had been near. The guard had to disappoint her. The gardeners had been too far away to overhear what the Queen had said and Maurice wasn't likely to reveal anything.

Mrs Danieli sighed in frustration. Trying to make the Head of Security talk, would be a waste of time.

OoOoOoO

Hours later on, when Joe rested his head on his pillow, he drifted back to the garden, hearing her sigh: ´No, it is not Budd, Joseph.´

When he had opened his mouth, she had raised her hand: ´Nor is it Bill.´

He knew he had looked sheepish.

´I think I'd better tell you, for you will hound me until you named every character from that film.´

He had swallowed, prepared for the worst and determined not to mind it. The bloke digging the grave? Buck? Boss Tanaka?

Her teasing smile had made him weak kneed.

And then she had whispered: ´Hattori Hanzo.´

...

...

Author's note: In case you're not familiar with "Kill Bill" you will need more information to fully understand Joe's reaction to the Queen's revelation: the film centres around a character called The Bride, who plans to revenge those who hurt her. The first person on her death list is O-Ren Ishii, who is protected by her private army which is headed by Johnny Mo. For reasons only known to Tarantino but understandable for everyone who appreciates drama and good choreography, O-Ren's bodyguards as well as the lady herself prefer to fight their opponents with samurai swords. The Bride therefore needs steel that can playfully cut through skulls. There's only _one_ craftsman who can make her such a weapon but he is retired and now makes a living as an owner of a modest bar. The Bride wins him over. The man seems to be kind, calm and wise but underneath he is still a merciless samurai. I need not tell you his name.

A final remark: reviews inspire!


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